


P.S.

by weeabooty



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, I'm Sorry, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-19
Updated: 2016-03-19
Packaged: 2018-05-27 14:54:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6288904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/weeabooty/pseuds/weeabooty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>10 letters from Phil to Dan</p>
            </blockquote>





	P.S.

Dear Dan,

How are you? I’d guess not very good, yeah? That’s okay. It’s okay to be upset, but remember it gets better. Time might not heal everything but I promise it makes it easier.

 

All my love,

Phil

P.S. Make sure you eat. And call Louise and PJ and Chris. Don’t stop living just because it isn’t exactly how you pictured it, please.

\---

 

Dear Dan,

Do you remember when we first met? In person? Because I do. I replay the first moment I saw you in my head every single day. What you were wearing, the way your smile stretched your cheeks, how I finally got to see the warmness in your eyes. I remember worrying you’d think I was mad because I was smiling so much. I didn’t realize at the time you smiled just as often.

Can you blame us though? We had both just met our soulmate.

 

Forever with you,

Phil

P.S. Make sure to check behind the couch and the bed if you’ve lost something, I know you forget to do that.

 

\---

 

Dear Dan,

I wonder if there’s an afterlife. I know you were always the more existential one, but lately I’ve been thinking hard about this. Is there a heaven? Do we get reincarnated? Is there nothing at all?

I’m confident no matter what I’ll be able to  find you. There’s no way I couldn’t, you’ve taken half my heart and left half of yours in it’s place.

 

Love from any universe,

Phil

P.S. Have you finished that anime we were watching yet? I’m dying to know how it ends.

 

\---

 

Dear Dan,

I know everything has an end. Nothing lasts forever, forever as a very concept is implausible. But there’s a part of me that knows I’ll keep on loving you forever. You have changed me, Dan, and every second I spend with you I’m better because of it.

I know we’ve had our rough patches, but there’s nothing in any universe that could ever stop me from loving you.

 

Always and forever,

Phil

P.S. I know you love me too. I know you didn’t mean what happened in 2012, please stop feeling guilty about it.

 

\---

 

Dear Dan,

You tend to crack less jokes these days. I understand why, of course, but I can’t help but miss your laugh. Your real one, the carefree one that makes your dimple show up and your head tilt back and your eyes squint. It’s my favorite sound in the world. I want to bottle it and keep it with me wherever I go, so if I ever need some instant happiness it’s right there.

 

Laughing with you,

Phil

P.S. I hope you’re still laughing. Please don’t deprive the world of such a beautiful thing.

 

\---

 

Dear Dan,

I love you. God, do I love you. I love you with my entire being, and somehow you still find ways to make me love you more every single day.

I’m so happy I got to spend my life with you, Dan. You’re the only person I can even imagine wanting that with, I’m so lucky you wanted it too. You’ve made me grow and change and do things that I never dreamed possible, and I can only hope I’ve done the same for you. If I have, I can leave without any regrets.

Still a sappy romantic,

Phil

P.S. I don’t care if you find someone else to love. All I ever want is for you to  be happy, so if you find someone who makes you happy don’t feel like you’re betraying me or something. As long as they’re good to you I’ll be grateful to them.

 

\---

 

Dear Dan,

I’m not sure how many more of these I can write, but I’m going to keep trying. You deserve all the letters in the world, and even then they wouldn’t be able to fully translate my love for you.

There’s nothing I hate more than seeing you sad. And I know that some time soon I’ll be the reason you’re sad, and I hate it. I know there’s nothing I can do, but it tears me up to know I’ll be the cause of that frown.

So make sure, at least sometimes, you look back with a smile? Remember the good times and find a way to be happy. I know it might be hard, and it’s okay if it doesn’t happen at first, but I want you to try. Just take it day-by-day.

 

Always by your side,

Phil

P.S. Remember to talk to our friends. They love you so much, and they just want to see you happy too. Don’t isolate yourself.

 

\---

 

Dear Dan,

Do you remember, in that one Phil is Not on Fire when I said my soul would be implanted into a TV remote? How cool would that be? Then I could decide what to watch on Netflix, even after I don’t have hands.

 

You’re my favourite channel,

Phil

P.S. Keep doing cat whiskers. By yourself, or with one of our friends, keep the tradition alive.

 

\---

 

Dear Dan,

Can you believe how fast time has gone by? It seems like a week ago you were stalking my twitter and trying to get my attention.

I’m grateful you never stopped trying until I replied. If not, I would’ve missed out on so many amazing things, not to mention the best thing that’s ever happened to me.

You used to be shorter than me, do you remember that? You’d always put your head on my shoulder when we’d cuddle, it was so nice. It was always nice, even after you gained that extra inch on me. The weather down here is terrible, by the way, you should come down here and kiss me.

 

*forehead kisses*,

Phil

P.S. Water the houseplants for me, make sure they’re still alive.

(P.P.S. That best thing is you, by the way.)

 

\---

 

Dear Dan,

I was thinking about our wedding day. Do you remember it? I’m sure you do. I remember every detail.

I remember how nervous I was, how handsome you looked, how much I stuttered during my vows. How could I not remember everything? It was the day I became the happiest person in the world.

Thank you, Daniel James Howell-Lester, for letting me spend my life loving you. I know that our life together might seem a bit shorter than how you imagined it, but I wouldn’t trade a second of it for anything. You are my one true love, Dan. And I know we both hate goodbyes but sometimes they’re the only thing left to say. So this is me saying mine. I wish I could’ve had more time with you, but I know all good things must come to an end. I’m thankful for every morning I got to wake up with you, every second I got to see your gorgeous face, every sound I got to hear from your lips.

There was a time you said to me “I feel special” and I replied, “you are”. And even though that wasn’t the context of this when it was first spoken, the words are just as true now. You’re special, and you’ve done amazing things and will do amazing things. I can’t wait for you to see where the rest of your life takes you, even if it’s without me.

Goodbye bear,

Phil

P.S. I love you.

**Author's Note:**

> hahahaha i hate myself
> 
> this was v loosely based off a summary of "P.S. I Love You" i read so like
> 
> tamakisemocorner.tumblr.com


End file.
